After Savvy’s husband died in 2017, she not only to sole parent her two children, but also had to fight to save their home due to a clerical error on the deed. She says dealing with that situation means she hasn’t had time to explore her grief. Noah reflects on how strange it is to suddenly be the only man in the house.
SAVVY: My husband.
NOAH: My dad.
SAVVY: The hardest battle was, up to this point in my life, was beating cancer. It taught me a lot about myself and taught me a lot about relationships, and marriages and discovering him. I mean, I knew him but I didn’t know how strong of a man he was until I saw him support me with my own battle. It was unfair that he he got to see me sick, he got to see my scars, he got to hold my hand and see me survive but he didn’t get to enjoy the end of it with me. It’s like a slap in the face. It’s like how do you do all of these with each other and then not get to celebrate.
I didn’t even think my own emotions were real. I questioned myself on this because it’s a grief that I’ve never experience so I have no comparison as to how it’s supposed to feel. And little things get me upset, and things that really should get me upset don't get me upset. It was like living in a space where you know it’s you and it’s your life but it doesn’t make sense to you.
NOAH: It kind of gets lonely without another guy in the house. I miss my dad. We used to goof around with each other, just fun things together like a father and son would do. I’ll play my game, you know, it makes me happy. I’ll think “Dad, what should I do when it comes to customizing my cars.” I’ll think about it and what he would like. However you like to grieve, you just do it. I loved him a lot.
SAVVY: When you lose someone you love so dearly, that sadness will never go away. It is always gonna be with me. But happiness it not always there. Hearing my daughter laugh is not always gonna be there or my son yelling at his video game. Those are the things you cherish because the grief and the sadness, when they wanna appear, they’ll appear. And when they’re not there, I go in and do what I need to do and keep on being happy, but I allow myself to be sad when I need it.