One of the things that I definitely try to do to help other people going through this process. I look at, you know, okay, what were some of the major issues that I had? And also, you know, what am I capable of, of offering to somebody?
And especially going through sort of a long-term illness, uh, there's lots of ups and downs. And, you know, when you have a normal relationship with your mother, um, there ... or with anybody that you love, it's not all roses all the time. You're gonna get mad. You're gonna get upset. And in a, you know, non-terminal illness situation (laughs), um, you express those feelings. And nobody thinks that that's a problem. Everybody knows, well, of course you love your mom. You're just like, mad at her today.
But when your mom is sick and could die any time, um, it's, nobody wants to hear anything negative. Right? Oh, no. Like, you, you start to say, oh, I'm really mad at my mom today. They're just like, oh, but, but think about how much you love her. And it's like, yes, obviously I love her. And, yes, obviously like, I'm not gonna stay ... but I just need to let it out.
And I felt that a lot of people didn't get that, and it's like, well, I can ... if I could just let out this frustration that I have, because she's doing something that's she's done all her life, and it irritates me. It's irritated me since I was a child, and it still irritates me, and I just need to say it. So that ... and I can't, I don't wanna say it to her face like I would if she was healthy, because I don't wanna have that interaction with her. But I need to say it to somebody.
So that then when I interact with her, I don't have that resentment feeling. And so that is something, um, that I definitely tell any, any friends, um, you know, if they, if they're going through this process. And I say, "hey, you can tell me all the horrible things that need to be said that you don't wanna say to anyone else, and I will not judge you for it. Because I know that you're saying them, and I won't ask you to say, oh, but I still love my mother. Or, oh, but I still love my father. Or what, whatever it is. Like, I understand that. You don't have to put that disclaimer anywhere. You can just complain and say all the horrible things that you wanna say, that you need to get out. So that when you go back into the situation, you can go back with a full-up, and not harbor any of this."